Couple's Coupling or How JT Wanted an Easy Way to Make Easy Money
by bluecinderella4
Summary: JT has yet another get-rich-quick scheme and "volunteers" himself, his best friend, his dad, and their significant others to be on a new couple's game show. More details and junk inside. And yes, the title does kinda rip-off Dr. Strangelove
1. An Easy Way to Make Easy Money

**Hi, I'm bluecinderella4 **_**[hi**_**,**_** bluecinderell4] **_**and I've been a fan of **_**Step by Step **_**since I caught it in re-runs in the early 2000s and I still enjoy watching it. I was such a fan that when I was younger I wrote terrible stories for this show before discovering there was actually a term for it (and by the way when I say terrible, I mean terrible). However, I have since "matured" and my terrible fanfictions have become somewhat tolerable.**

**For those of you who wandered onto this fic by accident, **_**Step by Step **_**was your typical 90's family sitcom that aired during the TGIF block on ABC before moving to CBS for its seventh and final season. The premise was divorced contractor Bobby Ewing/Frank impulsively married widowed beautician Chrissy Snow/Carol* and we had a '**_**Yours, Mine, and Ours'**_** deal where they moved in together and their kids had to learn to get along. During the course of the show, Frank's nephew Cody moves in, Carol's mother and sister move out, Frank and Carol have a daughter named Lilly, JT's best friend Rich move into an apartment/extended part of the house together, Rich becomes JT's stepsister/rival Dana's boyfriend, Cody is then replaced by a French guy named Jean Luc who is introduced as Carol's business partner, JT gets a serious(-ly awesome) girlfriend, Lilly is affected by SORAS (soap opera rapid aging syndrome), Brendan falls victim to Chuck Cunningham Syndrome, we meet this guy Flash and he goes to DisneyWorld with the family and is never seen or mentioned again, and the kids grow up and deal with typical sitcom tropes.**

***Okay Bobby Ewing really didn't marry Chrissy Snow- that was in reference to the actors Patrick Duffy from **_**Dallas**_** and Suzanne Somers from **_**Three's Company**_** but wouldn't **_**that**_** make interesting fanfiction?**

**So my contribution for this show (airing on The Hub network last I checked) is this fanfic with another annoying clichéd sitcom trope where JT has another get-rich-quick scheme and 'volunteers' his family and friends on a game show similar to **_**The Newlywed Game**_**. Yeah, I'm not gonna say much else. But don't worry; I have other little subplots and explanations as to why certain characters aren't in this story.**

**Interested? Nope? Good! Moving on!**

* * *

Port Washington, Wisconsin: February 27, 1999

Al was sitting on the sofa carefully reading over something while chewing on a pen when her peace and quiet was disturbed by JT hurrying into the living room and turning on the TV. "Seriously, JT?"

"What? This is important," he snatched a lottery ticket from his pocket and looked it over before staring intently at the TV.

Al's scoffed at him. "Another lottery ticket?"

"This one is for tonight's $2000 jackpot." He reached into another pocket for another ticket.

"You bought two tickets?"

"Nope," he stood up and dug through his back pockets removing to two more tickets. "Double that to double my chances."

"Hold up, you're always broke; how are you able to keep buying lottery tickets?"

"That's not important." Al quirked an eyebrow. "Sometimes you gotta spend money to make money."

"Right, uh-huh, how's that working out for you?"

He gestured the reading material in her hand. "Don't you have homework to do?"

"For your information, this is a list of acting job opportunities. I wanna try to earn some money to go to LA and I figured I'd make some dough doing something I like."

"Right, yeah, how's that working out for you?"

She glowered at him in response. "You better be careful JT, one of these days you're gonna-"

"Ssh," he shushed her as the anticipated program came on.

Al set her stuff on the table and stood up. "No use watching this again; I know how it's gonna end," she made her way into the kitchen as JT turned the volume up on the TV.

"_And tonight's winning numbers are...forty-three,"_

JT threw a ticket on the ground.

"…_seventeen…"_

JT tossed another ticket aside.

"…_eighty-six…"_

And down to the ground went the last two tickets. "Dang eighty-six eighty-sixed my chances of winning," JT turned the TV off, folded his arms, and leaned against the couch while letting out an angry huff. "There has got to be an easy way to make easy money!" As he looked around, Al's list on the coffee table caught his eye. He tried to ignore it, but something kept drawing him back. Inching closer to the coffee table, JT made sure the coast was clear before grabbing the paper and reading it over with fevered interest. Skimming through with an assortment of adjectives such as, "Lame, stupid, lame, dumb, lame, not a chick, lame…" one advertisement got his attention. "Auditions for a new couple's game show being held in Madison from February 27th through February 28th," JT read aloud. "Selected couples will fly to Los Angeles with one guest all expenses paid to appear on the show for a chance to win valuable prizes. What that's it?" He read it again. "No catch? You just have to be a couple?"

With a sly smirk on his fact, JT carefully set the paper back on the table and reached for the nearby living room phone.

"_Hello?" _the voice on the other end answered.

"Rich, my main man," JT answered back, "my best bud, mi amigo."

"_Oh God you're gonna do something stupid for money and you need my help."_

"Trust me, this is gonna work."

"_This doesn't involve stripping again, does it?"_

"No."

"_Do I have to sell any part of my body?"_

"I doubt it."

"_You _doubt_ it?"_

"Look, I was lookin' at this audition thing Al brought home and they're holding auditions in Madison for a new couple's game show this weekend. The couples they pick will fly to LA with a guest all expenses paid to appear on the show and win valuable prizes."

"_What kind of prizes?"_

"It doesn't say; but if it's not money I can probably hock whatever it is for some real cash."

"_I don't have to dress up like a woman do I?"_

JT's face screwed up in confusion, "No."

"_Then how are we supposed to compete on a _couple's_ game show?"_

"You and Dana and me and Sam."

The noise Rich made on the other end of the phone confirmed that he now understood what JT meant. _"Oh, that actually makes more sense."_

JT looked down at the paper. "They're holding auditions til five, you think you can get up early tomorrow and we'll hit the road after breakfast?"

"_Tomorrow? JT, I dunno, I-"_

"If you got something you gotta do then do the smart thing and put it off- that usually works for me."

"_Yeah, but it's important."_

"_This_ is important! I'm only asking because you're my best friend and I thought you'd like to reap the rewards with me."

"_You're asking because you need a ride and everyone's busy tomorrow."_

"That too."

Rich sighed in annoyance. _"Fine, but you owe me for this_," and with that, Rich hung up.

JT hung up the house phone with a gleefully smarmy chuckle. "This is going to be too easy."

* * *

**Or will it? *cue castle thunder and evil villain laugh* **

**Okay maybe the castle thunder and evil villain laugh was a little over the top but hey, this is a typical sitcom trope. As any good sitcom fan knows, anything like this is never too easy. Something will go horribly, yet hilariously wrong, but in the end everything gets resolved and we end on a happy, lighthearted note.**

**What could possibly go wrong?**


	2. Nobody Ever Wants a Clock Radio

**It was so cool I had already gotten one review in as I spent like 20 minutes searching for an image cover (with no luck) and the story hadn't even been up for a complete twenty-five minutes. Wow, thanks that actually flattered me. And I would've posted this sooner but life and stuff happens so sorry for the small delay.**

**Anywho, I thought it'd be wise to end it where I did last time. Just make the first part a little intro and setup chapter and then get the story going. I kinda realized I'm also trying to format this as if this was a TV episode in fanfic format [thankfully, not written out like a script]. And I want to keep a sort of set focus on the chapter's plot and subplot so if something seems like it's taking forever, there's more than likely a good reason.**

**And yes, this chapter will be much longer than the first. Now I suggest we get it started.**

* * *

Port Washington, Wisconsin: February 28th, 1999

"Come on," Carol tried to push down the lever of the toaster to no avail. With a slam to the side, she gave up. "Piece of junk." She threw the toaster in the garbage.

"Carol, what are you doing?" Frank, who had made his way downstairs as Carol through the toaster away, rushed over to the trash, picked up the toaster, held it somewhat close to his body, and cleaned it with his sleeve. "Throwing away a perfectly good appliance like that."

"Perfectly good appliance? That piece of junk?"

Frank looked down at the toaster and talked to it as if it was a living thing. "She didn't mean that."

"Yes I did, that toaster is a piece of junk. We've spent nearly $500 on repairs for that thing in the last year. Face it Frank, we need to buy a new toaster."

"Is it the lever again?" Frank set the toaster down on the counter. "I keep telling you Honey, you're not pushing down hard enough. You need to give it a little more effort."

"How much effort do you need to push down a toaster lever?"

"Watch, and learn," Frank attempted to demonstrate pushing the toaster level down with no luck. Increasing strength and pressing as hard he can, when he did manage to push the lever down, the lever came off the toaster entirely. Carol folded her arms and quirked her brow as Frank tried to slide the toaster in the trash inconspicuously. "Maybe it is time we get a new toaster."

"Good idea."

"I wish you would have told me this earlier though. There's a huge blowout sale down at _Art's Appliances_ in Madison this weekend only."

"I've been telling you for weeks but every time you just took it to that fix-it shop or whatever it's called."

"Moose knows the guy who owns the shop, he gives us a discount."

"I don't want to discuss this anymore; we're getting a new toaster this week."

"Alright Carol, if it's that important to you I'll buy us a new toaster."

"Thank you," she gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat down at the table.

"So, what's for breakfast?"

"Toast," Carol had a hint of playfulness in her voice.

Frank said nothing more and began searching the kitchen cabinets as a suspiciously enthusiastic JT and a tired Rich exited their apartment through the kitchen. "Morning Dad, Morning Carol," JT greeted as he reached for something on top of the refrigerator.

"Mr. L, Mrs. L," was assumingly what Rich said through his yawn.

JT handed Rich a granola bar before taking one for himself. "Bye Dad, Bye Carol." Rich gave them a pathetically tired wave and the two headed for the door before-

"Hey, hey, where do you think you're going?" Frank questioned.

"We got a thing at this place and we gotta get to it. See ya."

"What thing at what place?"

"Dad, I'm an adult. I don't have to tell you my business you know."

"JT, it's eight o'clock in the morning on a Sunday."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, for one thing you're awake."

"Where do you have to get to so early?" Carol asked.

"And if you say Church then I know you're lying."

"Relax, I'm not doing anything illegal," JT attempted to assure his parents. "There's just this thing I gotta do in Madison and Rich is giving me a ride."

"In Madison?"

"Yeah, it's this thing, you wouldn't be interested." JT opened the door. "Come on Rich, let's go."

Rich stumbled toward the door, but in his zombie-like state he ended up walking fairly hard into the wall. "Ow." Thankfully, Frank managed to catch Rich before Rich fell to the floor. "Thanks a lot Mrs. L."

Frank looked up at his son. "JT, are you sure it's a good idea to let Rich van Winkle here get behind the wheel of a car for the next couple of hours?" When Frank let Rich go, Rich walked into the door again (but this time, JT helped him). "I think it's probably best that I drive you two to Madison."

JT shrugged. "Sure, I guess it's cool with me," he turned to his tired pal. "Is it cool with you Rich?"

Rich barely lifted his head up. "Huh?" He looked up at Frank. "Yeah…dive," he could hardly get his arm up, "I call backseat."

"You don't want shotgun?"

"Son," Frank began, "I think it's kind of hard to lie down and sleep sitting up in the front seat."

"You're gonna let him sleep on the way there?"

"Is he going with us because _he_ wanted to?"

"Not really."

'Then it's only fair to let the poor guy sleep."

"Okay, hold on," JT went back into his apartment and came back with a CD player, headphones, and bag of CDs. "I'm gonna need this." JT practically pushed Rich out the door.

Frank shrugged all that off and went over to Carol. "I'll see you later Honey," he gave her a kiss.

"Bye Sweetheart," she gave him another kiss. "I love you."

"Love you too," Frank went outside to find a passed out, snoring Rich asleep on his truck bed. "Does he always snore like that?" JT nodded as he placed the headphones over his ears. "Maybe we should stop for some coffee first."

…

"That's it, right there!" JT pointed to the designated building later in the day.

Frank pulled into the crowded parking lot. "Geez Louise how many people showed up for this thing?"

"Can't be no more than a hundred cars out here so maybe fifty, sixty couples plus whoever auditioned yesterday."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Dad, trust me: this is a sure-fire guarantee. We are so gonna get picked."

"Well…just…just don't get your hopes up too high."

"Whatever, Dad," JT got out of the car.

In the backseat, Rich finished slurping down a cup of coffee. "Thanks for the ride Mr. L," he thanked.

"No problem."

"Oh, and thanks for the five cups of coffee too."

"Yeah well you owe me for at least three of those cups," he watched as Rich got out of the car. "Alright guys, I'll meet you back here in about an hour or so. If you get done early and you decide to go somewhere else then call me on Rich's cell phone."

"You got it Dad," JT gave Frank a thumbs-up.

"Good luck with your thing."

"Good luck with yours Dad."

Frank gave JT an odd look. "I'm just buying a toaster."

"Well good luck picking a good toaster."

Frank rolled his eyes. "I'll see you two later," he drove off.

"So," Rich clapped his hands together, "now what?"

JT put his arm around Rich's shoulder. "Now they pick us for their thing." JT led his best friend into the building and to the receptionist desk. "Hi, we're here to audition for the new couple's game show."

The woman at the desk readied a clipboard with paperwork. "That'll be $75."

JT's eyes widened. "For what?"

"For the audition fee."

"Audition fee?"

"When auditioning for a competition show you have to pay the audition fee. If you don't pay the audition fee you don't get to audition, simple as that."

"But I'm trying to get on the show to make money. I don't actually have money."

"Sorry kid, I don't make the rules."

JT took Rich aside. "Rich, you gotta loan me the money."

Rich backed away from his friend. "What? No!"

"It's only seventy-five bucks, I'll pay you back once I get on the show and win. And I know you have that kind of money."

"No I don't!"

"Yeah you do! I know you've been stashing some money in your underwear drawer."

"What were you doing in my underwear drawer?"

"It's not important."

"Uh, yeah, it kinda is because without context it raises a lot of concerning questions."

"Look, I need you to do this for me, please. I promise I'll pay you back."

"JT, I…I…" Rich exhaled. "Fine," he took his wallet out of his pocket, "it'd be humiliating for both of us if you started begging."

"Yes!"

"But you have to pay me back before next week."

"Yeah, sure, no problem!" With reluctance, Rich handed JT the money. "Thanks again, buddy I owe you one!"

"You actually owe me seventy-five…and an explanation as to why you were in my underwear drawer."

…

Meanwhile, Frank walked up to the counter at _Art's Appliances._"Hello, my good man."

"How may I help you?" the man at the counter inquired.

"Yes," Frank squinted to read the man's nametag, "Ed: I was wondering if you could tell me where I might find your toasters."

"Sorry, but we're out."

"What? What do you mean you're out?"

"The toasters were our hot sell this weekend and they sold out last night."

"Okay, well…aren't you gonna get a new shipment or something?"

"Nope, sorry."

"What?"

"Our store's closing and we're having an 'everything must go' sale. And once we're out of something, we're out of something."

"Aww darn it!"

"Hey, can I interest you in a nifty clock radio?"

"No. Can you tell me where I can buy a toaster?"

"Not here."

"Yeah, Ed I got that."

"You can buy 'em at your basic department or retail stores at their retail price, but you can't find a better deal for a four-slicer for $20 unless it's used."

Frank made a noise of unpleasant annoyance. "I only brought $25 with me."

Ed shrugged. "Well unless you can find a good toaster for $25 or less than you're going home toaster-less."

"Thanks Ed," Frank sarcastically thanked.

"Oh you're welcome," Ed didn't seem to notice the sarcasm. Mumbling to himself, Frank made his way to the exit. "Hey, are you sure you don't want a clock radio?"

"I don't want a clock radio!"

Ed sighed. "Nobody ever wants a clock radio."

…

"Hey thanks again for the loan, man," JT was breaking a surprisingly awkward silence between him and his best friend as they waited for their turn.

Rich fiddled with a numbered slip of paper in his hand before realizing he was being addressed. "Huh? Oh, yeah," he looked up at JT and nodded in acknowledgement. "Yeah, don't mention it. Just pay me back before Saturday."

"Why is it so important I pay you back by Saturday?"

Rich remembered something from earlier. "Wait a minute, you didn't tell me why you were snooping through my underwear drawer. What's up with that?"

"I asked you first."

"No, I asked you first."

"Did not!"

"I asked you that question when I gave you the money."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well…well…last night I asked you what's up."

A puzzled look splashed across Rich's face. "Yeah, so?"

"You didn't answer me then."

"Yes I did. I said nothing was up."

"But something's obviously up."

"Nothing'sup. Whywouldyousaysomething'sup? Nothing'sup," Rich cleared his throat. "So how many more people are ahead of us?"

JT put his arm around Rich's shoulder. "Look man I'm your best friend and roommate. I know you. And I know that you talk a mile a minute when you want to deny something and then you change the subject. Just tell me what's up and I'll quit hasslin' ya."

Rich sighed. "I can't."

"Did those chess club geeks threaten you again? If you want I can get Sam to kick their butts again."

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Aw man this is seriously serious stuff." There came another brief moment of silence. "Have you told anyone what's been buggin' you?" Rich shook his head no. "Well…why don't you tell me?" JT made a face. "Oh God this is about you and my ugly stepsister, isn't it?"

"Kinda sorta."

"Kinda sorta? I can't believe I'm saying this in regards to you and Barky but tell me more."

"I can't tell you."

"Why not? Rich, I know all your secrets, I know where you stash all your crap, Dude, I've seen you naked on more than one occasion." This made Rich blush. "So you shouldn't have any problem telling me what's buggin' ya."

"Sorry JT, I just can't. Not right now anyway." JT groaned. "I think maybe I should talk to Mr. and Mrs. L first."

"Oh, so you can tell Dad and Carol but you can't tell me, your best friend and roommate," JT huffed. "I can't say that I'm hurt."

"Believe me I want to tell you, but I think it's best I talk to them first."

JT twitched his mouth for a few seconds before opening it to talk. "Hey, fine that's cool; talk to my dad first."

"Thank you."

JT stood up and waved. "Hey Dad, over here!"

Frank made his way over to the boys. "You won't believe how much these stores charge for toasters nowadays," he griped. "I don't even pay as much for one of those plastic princess toasters for your sister," he sat down with a huff. "So have you gone and done your thing yet?"

"No, but Rich has something he wants to tell ya," he nudged Rich forward, 'something that kinda sorta has to do with Dana."

"Not interested."

"But he won't tell me until he talks to you or Carol."

"Him _and_ Carol," Rich emphasized the word 'and'.

"Now you can talk to him _and_ me."

"_Now_ is not a good time."

"Well _now_ I'm interested," Frank folded his arms across his chest and stared down at Rich. "What's going on in that tiny mind of yours, Rich?"

Rich took a deep breath; there was no way to avoid this (particularly with a nosy JT around). "Look Mr. Lambert: if we're going to do this now, I would really appreciate it if you didn't make jokes."

Frank unfolded his arms and this time the look on his face was more of concerned confusion. "This is seriously serious; you called me Mr. Lambert," Rich looked away and avoided eye contact. "Maybe this really isn't the best place to discuss this."

JT bounced out of his seat and pointed toward "Then let's all go stand over there and discuss it!"

"Why don't you go stand in traffic?"

As JT sat back down, Rich couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that before quickly becoming serious again. "I uh..." Rich cleared his throat, "…I don't really think this would be easy to talk about anywhere." He cleared his throat again and stood straight up. "But I have to do it sooner or later so I might as well do this now."

JT clapped his hands together and did a fist pump in the air. "Alright!"

Rich turned and faced Frank. "Mr. Lambert…I want yours and Mrs. Lambert's blessing to ask Dana to marry me."

"All wrong!"

Frank leaned toward JT. "JT, shut up."

"But Dad-"

"Zip it John Thomas!" that got JT to back away quietly. Afterwards, Frank directed his attention back at Rich. "You have thought this through haven't you?"

"Well, yeah," Rich honestly answered. "Yeah, I've thought about this for a while. Mr. L, I don't think I've ever given much thought to anything before."

Frank tilted his head to the side and made a noise of agreement. "True."

"And it's not like I wanna get married right away- I mean Dana and I are only twenty-three and there's still a few things she wants to do before she gets married. I don't really know how long a couple has to be together before getting engaged, but I just…" Rich struggled to find the words to say, "…I…all I know is I can't see my future without her in it and I hope she feels the same about me. I just want that validation that we'll have a future together."

There was some tensed silence for a moment before Frank broke it. "Well, let me start by saying I'm really touched that you wanted to ask for my blessing even though I'm just her stepfather. You really didn't have to ask me, you know."

"Yeah, but I wanted to. I wanted to make sure it was okay with _both_ of her parents."

Frank smiled. "You have my blessing."

Rich burst out of his seat in excitement. "YEEEEEEEEES!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" JT cried out in agony.

"Not so fast, not so fast," Frank stood up and stopped the mini celebration/lamentation. "You have to get Carol's blessing before you ask Dana."

"Oh absolutely," Rich promised. "I planned on asking you and the missus before Saturday anyway."

"_Planned_? You actually took time and effort to _plan_ something like this?"

"Ye-up." Rich seemed pretty pleased with himself.

"I don't believe it."

"Believe it. I was going to propose to Dana this Sunday."

"So soon?"

"Well, see, Sunday's our two year anniversary."

"You and Dana have been together for two years?" Frank whistled as he sat back down. "Where does the time go?"

"Yeah, remember when we _hated_ her?" JT glared at Rich when he put a strong emphasis on the word 'hate'.

"I never actually hated her," Rich admitted. "I've kinda always had a crush on her."

"If you were attracted to girls like that I would've hooked you up with Lassie."

"Whoa! What crawled up your butt and died?"

"Didn't you consider that marrying Dana is a bad idea?"

"How?"

"Hello, you'll be married to Dana! I hope you know how to run a flea bath."

Frank stood up again and faced Rich. "JT has a point," his statement stunned both boys. "Not about the flea bath thing, but that marrying Dana could be a bad idea. Did you weigh out your pros and cons?"

Rich looked at Frank with the utmost confusion. "What do wrestlers and prisoners have to do with it?"

"No, no; the pros and cons mean the positives and negatives not pro wrestlers and convicts. Have you considered the positive and negative aspects of marrying Dana?"

"There were one or two things I thought of."

"Like?" Frank gestured for Rich to continue.

"Like she puts her career plans first."

"Okay, what else?" JT eagerly raised his hand ready to answer. "Yes, JT."

"She's a control freak!" JT proudly stated.

"Anything else?"

JT continued, "She takes things way to seriously sometimes. Oh, and don't give her any power because it'll go right to her head and she'll totally abuse it."

"Thank you JT."

"The things she likes are boring and you almost always have to do what she wants."

"Okay, thanks JT, now-"

"Plus she's a sick, twisted, mean person who likes watching other people suffer and usually doesn't help. Heck, sometimes she even joins in on the torturing."

"We get the point, son."

"She uses sarcasm as a second language and sometimes it's hard to tell when, or if she's being sincere. She uses big smarty-pants words when she insults you so sometimes you can't get in a comeback."

"JT-"

"Did I mention she's super bossy?"

"Understood, but-"

"And she ain't gonna win no beauty contest anytime soon if you catch my drift."

"JT-"

"Besides she's way too smart for Rich. She can have her pick of any Ivy League Dweeb and she picks a guy who's short on brains and on height- no offense Rich." Rich held his hands up in accepted defeat.

"JT, are you through?"

"I'm just getting started."

"Well now you're getting stopped."

"Hey, you asked."

"If we're getting technical I asked Rich, not you."

"But Rich marrying Dana is also bad for me."

"Should I be afraid to ask why?"

"If he marries her, he won't be my roommate anymore."

"That's a good point- he does pay your rent."

"He'll be spending all his time with Barky and we won't be friends anymore."

"That's not true," Rich made his way back into the conversation. "I'll always make time for you. You're my best friend. Dana knows that and, despite her hatred toward you, she accepts that you're my best friend. You've been my best friend longer than I've been with her and that will never change."

A small smile formed across JT's face. "Thanks bro," he enveloped his friend in a hug. "Besides, with Barky always working you two would barely be alone together anyway."

"Not helping."

"Rich," Frank made his way back into the conversation, "can I ask you one more question?"

"Is it about money? Because I've been making some extra cash selling some homemade pottery I've made and that money can-"

"No, it's not about money."

JT quirked an eyebrow at Rich. "That's how you been making extra money; making and selling _pottery_?"

"Well I don't like to brag."

"Who would wanna brag about that?"

"Can we get back on point please?" leave it to Frank to (attempt to) bring back focus. "And kudos on making some extra money and not spending it. Take a lesson JT." JT sneered at his father. "But seriously Rich, have you considered everything?"

"I'm pretty sure I have Mr. L," Rich confidently responded back.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay then: what if you ask Dana to marry you and she says no?"

Rich's proud face faltered. "Wow…I…I didn't think about that."

JT suddenly remembered something. "Ooh, I just remembered how much of a man-hater Barky is. I mean she's always complaining about the 'male species' and how chicks have rights and can do what men do. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned Rich down for a chick…and I'm not gonna lie that'd be kinda hot."

Frank held his hand up trying to silence his son. "JT, for the love of all things good and holy: shut your piehole."

A man with a headset and clipboard entered the area. "Okay next we're auditioning numbers thirty-one through thirty-six. If you would follow me in a preferably numerical order," he gestured for others to follow him.

JT pulled a numbered slip of paper from his pocket. "Welp, I'm numero thirty-five. Come on Rich." Rich stood there in a sort of catatonic state. JT sighed, grabbed onto his friends arm, and began dragging Rich away. "See you later Dad!" he called to Frank.

Frank moved closer to a table with magazines and sat beside a man around his age. "Hey," the man acknowledged Frank's presence. "My son and his friend are about to go humiliate themselves in another attempt to get money."

The man made eye contact with Frank. "You say that so casually. It's like you're not ashamed."

"Oh, I am; but this happens on a regular basis that a guy'd get use to saying something like that without shame in his voice." The man made a noise of understanding. "Say, you wouldn't happen to be selling a toaster would you?"

* * *

**Honestly, I didn't know how to end this. I kinda wanted to get it up soon though because I already started a little of the next chapter. Plus, it has been a few days since this got published and I wanna assure you guys this will continue.**

**Questions? Comments? Complaints? Don't hesitate to be vocal- any feedback is good.**


	3. Are You Sure You Two Aren't a Couple

**I think this one might be a little shorter, but it sets the major plot in motion and helps tie in the first major subplot revealed in the last chapter. Also, I'm not putting in the setting at the top like last time because it's rather pointless for this chapter. If you're unsure where and when they are, read/reread Chapter 2.**

**Anyway, let's get to Chapter 3.**

* * *

JT had his ears to the door as an audition was in process. "It just sounds like people asking a bunch of questions." He resumed his eavesdropping. "Sounds like they're asking people questions about their boyfriend or girlfriend. Huh, well that seems easy enough; so long as they don't ask any questions about math, or science, or…what was that one class we had to take with the reading and the writing?"

Rich quirked a brow. "English?"

"I'm not speaking a foreign language here, I just described that class with the reading and the writing. How much more clearer can I get?"

"JT, you were describing an _English _class."

"Oh yeah! I haven't had those classes in a while; I kinda forgot what it was called."

"Aren't you taking English classes at college?"

"Nope, don't see the point. When am I ever gonna need English anyway?"

"Now that you mentioned it the classes at East Wisconsin U aren't just English classes. There are separate classes for literature and for writing and a lot of subdivisions of reading and writing. Some places even consider drama an English class and I honestly think-"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" JT interrupted. "Rich, Buddy, you're kinda starting to sound like your girlfriend."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Did you not hear my list of reasons the first time?" Rich scowled at him. "Okay, I get it; you love The Wicked Witch of the Midwest. But you know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you asked her to marry you and she turned you down."

"I dunno JT. I can't see myself settling down with anyone but Dana."

"Whatever, it's your funeral." JT resumed listening at the door…

…just as it opened. He tumbled inside as a couple close to his age watched, obviously embarrassed for the fallen fool. The man with the headset and clipboard ushering the couple out seemed a bit more apathetic about what happened. "Next couple please," he said monotonously. Rich helped JT to his feet and followed the uninterested man inside. Inside the room was a table with three chairs. The center chair was occupied by another man, a woman sat in the chair to the left of the center, and the third/empty was quickly taken by the man with the headset and clipboard. A video camera on a tripod stood in front of the table facing two empty stools across from the table. "Numbers thirty-five and thirty-six," the unenthusiastic man noted. "You guys can take a seat," he gestured for JT and Rich to sit on the stools.

"Okay," the man in the center chair looked over his own clipboard while the boys sat down. "Which one of you is JT?"

JT raised his hand. "I'm JT."

The man pointed to Rich. "And that would make you Sam."

"Sam?" Rich gave the man a puzzling look. "I'm Rich."

"Income status doesn't really apply here Sam."

"No, my name is Rich. I'm the friend who's paying for all this."

"And trust me, Rich doesn't exactly live up to his name," JT (pathetically) quipped. Naturally, JT was the only one to laugh. "Get it? Because Rich isn't really rich, he's poor."

"No they got it; they just didn't think it was funny."

The woman gave them a strange look. "Are you sure you two aren't a couple?"

"A couple of idiots," the man on the end muttered to himself.

"We're not a couple," Rich attempted to assure.

"Trust us," JT was also trying to sway them, "we're just two longtime friends who pretty much do everything together."

"The technical term is '_roommates_'."

"So we really should be auditioning you and this Sam…person?" the man in the center asked that like a question.

JT seemed offended. "Sam is a girl."

"Then go get her."

"I would, but she's not here."

"You do realize this is a game show for couples?"

"Yeah."

"So if you're in a relationship with a woman, why did you bring him?"

"Because he paid."

"You didn't know there was an audition fee, did you?" the woman asked.

"No, I did not."

"So then you probably didn't know that if you wanted to audition your significant other should have accompanied you?"

"Heh?"

"It means if you want to be on this show with your girlfriend, then you should have brought your girlfriend."

"Cut me some slack; I only saw this ad yesterday."

"What about you," the middleman directed the attention to Rich, "you seem to be the smart one between the two of you."

"That's not saying much," the man on the end muttered under his breath.

"Are you in a currently involved with someone else?"

Rich and JT exchanged confused glances before Rich responded with a not-so-confident, "Yes."

"And did you bring that someone else with you?"

"No, we brought his dad."

"Oy vey."

"We can't audition you for a couple's show with just one half of the couple," the woman explained. "The only way we could do that is if you two were the couple."

JT unexpectedly pulled Rich closer. "We are a couple!" Rich's eyes bugged out in surprise disgust.

"You just said you weren't."

"Can I change my answer?"

"I think we're done here."

"Then can I at least get my money back?"

"_My_ money back," Rich put emphasis on the pronoun.

"What's yours is mine, Honey."

Rich cringed. "Don't call me that! We are not a couple!"

JT made eye contact with the people at the table. "If we dress him as a woman and call him Sam then can we be on the show?"

"WHAT!?"

"Wow you must be really desperate for money," the man on the end commented.

"Why do you think I'm doing this?" JT questioned back. "And since I don't even get the chance to try out, I wanna get my-"

"_My_," Rich grumbled.

"-money back. I promised I'd pay my buddy back by Saturday so he can propose to his girlfriend and she can say no."

"Dude!"

While JT and Rich got into their own little spat, the man with the headset turned to the other two producers. "You know, maybe these guys would be good for TV."

The woman looked at him uncertainly. "Are you serious?"

"I don't know why but the things these guys say are so stupid that other people would find it funny. They could bring in ratings for the show."

The man in the middle put his hand to his chin in thought. "That's actually a good point, Bob." He turned to JT and Rich. "Say guys," he got them to stop quarreling and look at him, "do you have proof that these girlfriends of yours exist?"

"Yeah, hold on I got a pic," Rich reached for his wallet.

"How 'bout you?" the producer pointed to JT. "Does this Sam girl exist?"

"Yes!" JT stated with defiance.

"You got a picture of her?"

"No. I'm not the kind of wuss who keeps pictures in his wallet."

"Then how would you convince people you have a girlfriend?"

"What, my word isn't good enough?"

"No," the entire room answered in unison.

"Relax JT, I have a picture of you and Sam in here too," Rich informed.

"Why?" JT questioned.

Rich rolled his eyes at his friend, pulled a picture from his wallet, and brought it over to the table where he laid it down in front of the three producers. "This is JT and I on a double date with our girlfriends."

"Yeah, and the ugly one's his girlfriend."

"I thought you said you weren't my girlfriend."

"Ooh, good comeback there Shorty," JT sarcastically replied back. "And you know what: I'm glad I'm not your girlfriend."

"I'm glad you're not my girlfriend either."

"And if you asked me to marry you I would say no."

"I wouldn't ask you to marry me."

JT gasped in offense. "Well I can't say that last remark didn't sting."

"Hey Lucy, Ethel," Bob mimicked the 'zip your lip' gesture, "zip it."

The lady did a double take between the boys and the picture. "I get that a beautiful woman dating a slacker is more common nowadays. However, I don't understand how those two beautiful women ended up with Humpty and Dumpty over there."

"I guess it's one of life's unsolved mysteries," Bob said with all seriousness.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be," the producer in the center looked up at Rich and JT. "If the two of you can convince your girlfriends to be on the show we'll let you compete."

JT's eyes went wide. "You will?"

"We will?" The woman asked. "Tom, think this through. Are you sure you want _them_?"

Tom nodded. "I want them- and their girlfriends- on the show together." JT was about to celebrate before Tom cut the celebration short, "Provided that they pay $75 to cover the second audition fee."

JT grabbed Rich's wallet. "Done!"

"Excuse you," Rich grabbed his wallet back.

"Rich, come on! We'll be on TV together!

"I hate to rain on the parade," the lady began, "but we can't have these two on the same show together."

"Why not?"

"Because the game consists of three sets of couples. Since neither of you are married you can't play as the married couple and the last two sets are the dating couple and the engaged couple. And we can't have two dating couples on the same show."

Tom made an undistinguished noise. "Sorry fellas, Julia's right; we can't have two dating couples on the same show."

Rich shrugged. "Oh well, we tried. Come on JT, let's go," he began to leave.

But JT grabbed him by the shirt collar and stopped him. "You won't have two dating couples."

"They won't?" Rich asked in a strangled voice.

"Nope, and do you know why?"

Julia gestured for them to continue. "Enlighten us."

"Because my buddy here is getting engaged to my stepsister. Wouldn't that qualify them as the engaged couple?"

Tom shrugged. "Works for us."

Julia pulled Tom aside. "You can't be serious."

"Julia, if we want this show to get picked up we're gonna need a gimmick. Audiences seem to enjoy stupid people who don't know they're stupid and these schmucks over here are bound to get people to watch."

Julia sighed. "Fine," she begrudgingly turned to JT and Rich. "Congratulations."

"Now we can take that seventy-five bucks," Bob reminded.

"Not yet," Tom had another thought. "We can get a deal on airfare and accommodations if we send an entire group to LA to be on the show."

"We already chose those bozos."

"And they each get to bring one guest so that's a total of six people," Julia pointed out.

"We can save more if we have a group of nine or more," Tom explained. "Say boys," Tom addressed JT and Rich. "You said you brought this yutz's dad with you?" He (obviously) singled out JT as the 'yutz'.

"Yes," Rich responded.

"We haven't decided who we want as our married couple. Is your dad married?"

"Yeah," JT replied.

"Great! What's his name?"

"Frank."

"Bob, can you bring Frank back here?" Bob grabbed his clipboard and went to fetch Frank.

"You wanna put my dad on the show too?"

"Before we make this a done deal we want to get to know him. If we like what we see- and I'm sure we will- then yeah, he'll be on the show with you guys."

"That reminds me," Julia picked up two forms of paperwork. "Because you've been selected you and your girlfriends will each fill these out and give them to us when you fly out to Los Angeles. But if your girlfriends decide not to participate on the show, then neither of you will be competing." She held the paperwork in front of JT and Rich.

Immediately, JT snatched it from her. "Sam will totally say yes."

Rich accepted the paperwork with reluctance. "It might take some convincing from Dana."

Not too soon after, Bob returned with Frank following close behind. It was evident Frank wasn't too pleased to be backstage. In fact, when he arrived backstage he immediately inquired, "What did they do now?"

"This is good news," Tom assured. "We want to select JT, Rich, and their girls to be on the show."

Frank quirked a brow. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely, we love these guys!" Julia loudly cleared her throat in protest. Tom rolled his eyes at her before continuing on, "Okay, most of us love these guys; they're like a real-life Beavis and Butthead."

"I've actually met the real-life Beavis and Butthead and trust me, it's not these two." Bob gestured for Frank to take a seat on one of the three stools across from the table. "Is there any reason why I've been called back here?"

"Yes," when Tom sat down, everyone (including JT and Rich) followed suit, "our show is a question and answer game where we ask three sets of couples questions about their relationship for a chance to win valuable prizes."

"Oh, like the _Newlywed Game_?"

"Never heard of it. Anyway, JT and his girlfriend will be our dating couple, Rich and his lady are the engaged couple-"

"Rich and Dana aren't technically-"

"-and we thought you and your wife would like to play as our married couple."

"Not interested," Frank got up to leave.

"Dad, come on!" JT chased after his father. "If you and Carol come on the show you get a chance to win some awesome prizes."

"Like what?"

"Like…like…a toaster?" that came out more like a question.

"You don't have a clue, do you?"

"Actually second prize winners win a new set of kitchen appliances," Julia corrected. "That includes a blender, a dishwasher, a microwave, a coffeemaker, a refrigerator, and a toaster."

"Really," this seemed to catch Frank's interest. "And that's just second place?" Julia nodded. "What do you get it if you win?"

"The grand prizes alternate. You can win a 1999 Dodge Intrepid, or a weeklong tropical getaway in the Bahamas, or $10,000 in cash."

"Sign me up!"

"You really want that $10,000 prize money, huh Dad?" JT asked.

"Son, I'd be happy with the toaster."

"But it's just like we told these two clowns," Julia started to say, "you cannot be on the show unless your wife agrees to compete as well."

"Well, I'm sure she'd say yes for a chance at a tropical getaway," Frank considered that aspect, "but this is something I'd have to talk to her about in person."

"And I'm going to need some time to convince Dana to do this," Rich added.

"You'd also have to take that time to propose to her."

Tom rose to his feet. "We have a small window of opportunity here fellas. We need to choose forty-five couples and fly most of them out to LA- with their one guest- by Thursday night and we still got some auditions in two more cities before our final auditions in LA," he reached for three business cards in a nearby stack and passed them out to Frank, JT, and Rich. "Talk it over with the ladies and let us know by Tuesday. If you decide to go the flight, hotel, and filming information is on the first page of these forms," Tom held up a form to demonstrate his point. "The last two pages are for you and your wife, girlfriend, whatever, to fill out and give to us before filming," he handed the form to Frank. "And we can get a deal by flying out a group of nine people so you three, your ladies, and three other people can get a good deal if you choose to go."

"Well thank you, I will talk it over with my wife as soon as possible. Come on guys, let's go home."

"Hold it!" Tom stopped them. "You only paid the fee for his audition," he gestured to JT. "We still need the $75 audition fee from the rest of you."

"I uh…I don't have $75."

"That's okay Dad," JT slapped Rich on the back.

"Ow!" Rich cried out.

"Rich has the money to cover both of you guys."

Frank was in disbelief. "Rich, you've got money?" He furrowed his brows. "And you made me pay for your coffee?"

"We didn't know there was going to be an audition fee."

"We put it at the bottom of our ad," Julia informed them.

"Okay, maybe I didn't read the whole thing after I saw I could win money. But that's cool because Rich had the cash."

"But Rich is saving the cash," Rich noted in third person.

"Rich also owes me at least three of those five cups of coffee," Frank reminded.

"Well somebody owes us for this," Bob pointed out.

The Lamberts stared at Rich until he gave in. "Fine," Rich angrily took out his wallet, "but now you both owe me $75," he made the payment and then turned his attention to JT. "And you owe me an explanation for snooping around in my underwear drawer."

Frank turned around and headed for the exit. "I don't wanna know."

Bob gave them a questioning look. "Are you sure you two aren't a couple?"

* * *

**Again, unsure how to end this but at least the plot is going.**

**PS: There was a reference to the season 3 episode 'Great Expectations'. Did anyone catch it?**

**Other references include the producer's names. Tom and Bob are for Thomas Miller and Robert Boyett who developed the show and Julia is for one of the show's writers, Julia Newton- she wrote the episode where Cody was introduced and was the first female writer to have an episode aired.**


	4. You Know Something that I Don't Know

**So we've survived 3 chapters; ready to survive a fourth? Though honestly, this is kind of a filler chapter again that helps serve the main plot. We're just gonna get a few things out of the way.**

**But hey, at least I'll give an explanation as to why certain characters (*cough*Brendan*cough*) will not be appearing in this story.**

* * *

"Yeah well I don't like you being so far away from home," Carol lamented over the phone. "Well it's not like Princeton University is around the corner; I miss being able to see you Mark." Carol waited for Mark to finish talking. "Well then just how many times a day is it appropriate to call my only son?"

Frank came through the kitchen door. "Hi, Honey, I'm home."

"Sorry Mark, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow, bye, love ya," Carol hung up the phone and hurried over into her husband's arms. "You've been gone an awfully long time," she peppered his face with kisses. "I was starting to get worried."

"Worry no more!" Frank gave her one last kiss before pulling away and walking to the table. "Have I got a surprise for you."

"Is it a new toaster?"

"No."

"Frank!"

"I went to buy one, Honey, honest; but the appliance store was having one of those 'everything must go' sales and the toasters were already gone."

"Did you buy one at a department store?"

"I didn't have enough cash on me."

"Oh, Frank."

"But fret not Mrs Lambert because you have the chance to win a brand new toaster, as well as some other new kitchen appliances."

Carol shot Frank a puzzled look. "Do what now?"

"The boys went to an audition for a new game show for couples and I somehow got roped into auditioning. Anyway, they want to pick you and me to compete as the married couple against Dana and Rich and JT and Sam."

"Why do I have the feeling that we're already competing as the married couple."

"It's not a done deal yet. I promised the guy I'd talk it over with you and if you say no then we won't do it. If you say yes then we fly out to LA, all-expense paid, on Thursday for a few days."

Carol seemed uneasy. "I don't know Frank."

"Well if being on TV with people we're familiar with still leaves you unsure then I thought the prizes might convince you otherwise."

"You thought a toaster and some new kitchen appliances would convince me to compete on a game show?"

"The new set of kitchen appliances is just second place. First place includes a new car," Carol acknowledged that with a seemingly approving sound while Frank inched closer to her, "$10,000 in cash," Carol's sound lasted a few seconds longer and seemed more pleasing as Frank stood behind her and breathed in her ear, "Or a weeklong getaway to the Bahamas," the next sound Carol let out seemed to be a deep, satisfying moan. "So is that a yes?"

"Oh yes," Carol answered in a breathy voice. Suddenly, something crossed her mind and Pleasured Carol was replaced with Paranoid Carol. "Oh no."

"Oh no? What oh no?"

"What about the girls, can we leave Karen and Al here with Lilly while we go off to another state for a few days?"

"Ah, that's the beauty part: all competitors and one guest of their choosing will get to fly out to LA all-expense paid. Hotel accommodations will also be provided"

Carol tilted her head. "Well that does make things a whole lot easier."

"So?" Frank held his hands together and pouted his lips as if he was begging.

"Oh, alright," Carol gave in.

"YE-ES!" Frank jumped in the air to celebrate, but instantly regretted doing so. "Ow, my back!"

His wife helped him sit down. "You have to remember to take it easy Frank."

"I know, I know; I just got a little excited. I mean, the grand prize is essentially ours anyway. I mean the show is basically the _Newlywed Game_, which is just a bunch of questions and answers about your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever, and you and I know everything there is to know about each other."

A sly smile crept on Carol's face. "Those suckers are goin' down." She and Frank then partook in a wicked married couple chuckle.

Not too long after, JT and Rich entered the kitchen from their apartment. "Oh great it's the evil married couple laugh," JT bemoaned as he headed to the fridge (as expected). "That's never a good sign when Dad and Carol are happy."

"If we told you we were happy to see you then would you leave?" Frank quipped back.

"Ha, ha, very funny," JT grabbed a massive handful of items from the fridge, "Now I can cross grocery shopping off my list of things to do," he struggled to open the door to their apartment before finally succeeding and leaving Rich alone with Frank and Carol in the kitchen.

"So Rich," Carol got up to close the refrigerator door, "is there anything you want from Lambert's Groceries?"

"No Mrs. L, I…actually yeah," he reached for a tub of Jello, "I love me some Jello. By the way, what's for dinner?"

"Is there anything you want in particular Rich?" Frank was certain he already knew the real reason why Rich was here. "Something you'd like to talk to us about?"

Carol was quick to catch on. "Do you guys know something I don't know?" Rich quickly went back to eating his Jello while Frank turned his head and whistled. "Fine," Carol sat down beside Frank, "you don't have to tell me. I already know."

Rich nearly choked on his Jello. "You do?"

Frank waved his hand, "Nah, she's bluffing."

"I most certainly am not bluffing!" Carol defended.

"Then please tell us: what do you already know?"

"I know..." Carol looked around the room before sighing in defeat, "…I know that you know something that I don't know." Frank flashed a satisfied smile. "But I don't know and I really want to know."

"I know you wanna know, Honey."

"And why do you already know?"

"Is it really important that I know and you don't know?"

Carol clicked her tongue and turned her head. "No. I know you only know because you were there, you know."

A puzzled look splashed across Frank's face. "No."

Now a confused expression etched on Carol's face. "What?"

"I don't know."

Rich couldn't help but grin as he ate his snack. "You two should turn that into a comedy routine." Frank furrowed his brow at Rich. "Okay," Rich tossed his empty Jello aside, "it's been nice talkin' to ya," he tried to hurry back into his apartment before-

"Freeze!" before he was stopped by Carol. She rose from her seat, folded her arms, and walked toward Rich. "Now something is going on here and I'd like to know what it is." Carol escorted Rich to the table and waited for him to sit down before placing herself between him and Frank. "What do you want to talk to us about?" Whenever Rich opened his mouth to talk, no sounds came out. "Frank, have I gone deaf?"

"Nope," Frank answered back.

"So you don't hear anything either?"

"Nope."

"Rich," Carol took Rich's hand and patted it, "whatever it is you can tell us. Or would you rather be comfortable talking to Dana first?"

"NO!" Rich jumped out of his seat. "I mean…no," he calmly corrected himself before he began pacing around in circles before finally stopping. "Okay," he took a deep breath, "this coming Sunday is mine and Dana's two year anniversary."

"Has it really been two years?"

"I asked the same thing," Frank added.

"So Rich, I take it you have something special planned?"

Rich began nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "Um yeah…yeah I do."

"How much do you need?"

"Sorry?"

"You found something you want to get her but you don't have enough money. Is that it? We'd be happy to loan you the money."

"You would?"

Frank raised his eyebrow to Carol. "We would?"

"Unless you want to go through another locket incident like on Dana's twenty-first birthday," Carol reminded. It was evident by the resulting expressions that both Frank and Rich remembered that particular event (or at least Frank remembered it being retold to him seeing as he wasn't actually there) and did not want to experience it again.

"Believe me Mrs. L," Rich began, "I learned my lesson."

"Good. So how much money do you need?"

"Well…actually…money would nice don't get me wrong but…but I don't need any money."

"Oh?"

"I just need your approval."

"My approval?"

"For what I plan to do."

"Do?"

"To Dana."

Carol glowered at him. "And what exactly do you plan to do to my daughter?"

Rich looked frightened by that response. "I was going to propose to her."

"Propose what, exactly?"

Rich (and even Frank) blinked in confusion. "Uh, marriage."

"What kind of sick game are you playing you perverted little horndog?"

"I think we may have a little misunderstanding here."

"Carol, Honey, how much clearer can he get?" Frank questioned. "Does he have to act it out?"

Carol's jaw nearly hit the floor. "Frank Lambert you approve of this? Did you hear what he plans to do to my daughter?"

"Did _you_ hear what he plans to do to your daughter?"

"I heard he wants to propose 'the lonely housewife and the lucky fireman'."

"Did you hear him use those words exactly?"

"I didn't need to. I figured it out from subtext."

"Well if he did want to propose 'the lonely housewife and the lucky fireman' to your daughter do you really think he'd ask for your approval?"

"He better."

Rich held up his finger as if to make a point. "Yeah, hi, still here. I'm confused, are we talking about the same thing?"

"Then why don't you clear up the confusion," Frank calmly suggested. "And try to go back to the beginning."

"Back to the beginning? Well, okay, I guess it all started September 3rd, 1976, i.e. my birth...though if you wanna get technical it started nine months before that-"

"Not that far back!" Frank (thankfully) stopped him. "Geez, how hard is it to tell Carol you wanna marry Dana?"

Carol gasped. "Rich," she moved closer to the embarrassed young man, "you want to marry Dana?"

Rich leaned to the side to look at Frank. "Thanks a lot Mr. L."

"She was bound to find out sooner or later," Frank noted.

Rich sighed and directed his attention back to a stunned Carol. Struggling to find the words to say, he just came out with it. "Yeah, Mrs. Lambert, I wanna marry Dana." Carol bit her lips to stifle an excited squeal from bursting out of her. "But it didn't feel right asking her until I had both yours and Frank's blessing."

"Oh, Rich!" Carol was obviously starting to shed (happy tears).

"So?" Rich prompted her to continue.

"Oh! Oh, right!" Carol cleared her throat and tried to regain a cool composure. "Yes, of course you have my blessing."

"Sweet!" Rich did a victorious gesture. "Thank you so much Mrs. Lambert."

"Oh, you don't have to keep calling me Mrs. Lambert."

"Then can I call you Carol?"

"If you'd like. Rich, you're practically family and you should probably get used to calling me Mom."

"I think I'll stick with Mrs. Lambert for now. Dana might think something's up if I started calling you Carol…or Mom. I'm waiting until next week to ask her so if you guys could keep this between us I'd really appreciate it."

"Right, of course!" Carol was biting her lip and bouncing in her spot. "So can I see it?"

"Excuse me?"

"The ring!" Carol was careful to speak in an excited whisper. "I want to see the ring you picked out for Dana."

"Well, I haven't actually bought the ring yet. I asked the jeweler to put it on hold until Saturday. I've been saving some cash for a couple of months now and I was sure I'd have enough money until today."

"Until today?"

"Ye-ah, I can explain," Frank started, "that idiot son of mine didn't realize there was an audition fee and Rich paid $225 to cover the fee for three of us."

"Plus that five bucks I owed you for the coffee," Rich added.

"Yeah well," Frank reached for his wallet and gave Rich $5. "Now I owe you seventy bucks."

"You and JT better pay him back every penny," Carol reprimanded. "I want to make sure he has enough to buy that ring…" Carol started to get teary-eyed, "…that engagement ring…" the tears were shedding, "…for my daughter," and here came the waterworks, "…who's going to get engaged!" Carol reached for the nearest person, Rich, and enveloped him in a tight embrace while crying on his shoulder.

Rich was clearly stunned by this emotional outburst. "Mrs. L, are you okay?"

"I'm so happy!" Unsure of what to do, Rich patted Carol's back.

And the scene of her mother sobbing uncontrollably on her boyfriend's shoulder was the scene Dana stumbled upon as she made her way downstairs. "Do I want to know?" she asked her stepfather.

Frank sighed, "Your mother got too excited again." He went over to his weeping wife and pulled her off of Rich. "Come on Carol, let's go start planning for our trip," he lead his blubbering wife into the living room.

Shrugging this off, Dana directed her focus to her boyfriend. "Hey Sweetie," she kissed him.

Rich couldn't help but moan with pleasure. "Oh, that's some good' kissin'."

Dana let out a small laugh. "So, how was Madison?"

"Huh wha?" Rich then got back to reality. "Oh! Oh right, the uh…the audition thing."

"Yeah, how'd it go?"

"Apparently they liked us."

"Us?"

"Yeah JT kinda roped me and Mr. L into auditioning too."

"And the producers actually picked you guys?"

"And girls. You gotta come on the show with me."

"Beg pardon?"

"It's a couple's game show. For couples."

"Yeah, I get the concept of a couple's game show."

"You know Honey; if you don't want to do it then we don't have to."

"But if I did agree to do this then would be me and you versus Mom and Frank versus Sam and JT?" Rich nodded. "Sure, I'm in."

Rich was pleasantly surprised. "Just like that?"

"You thought I'd say no didn't you?"

"I thought I'd have to talk you into it."

"Okay, talk me into it. Why should we go?"

"Well for one thing we get to spend an entire weekend in Los Angeles, hotel and airfare provided."

"M'kay."

"Not to mention the fabulous prizes we'll be competing for."

"Fabulous, you say? How fabulous?"

"Weeklong tropical getaway fabulous."

"Ooh, that does sound fabulous."

"There's also a new car, or lots of cash."

"How much cash?"

"How does $10,000 sound?"

"Ten-thousand?" Rich nodded. "In cash?" Another nod. "That sounds…that sounds too good to be true. Are you sure this isn't a scam?"

"Hey if it gets us to LA for free, I'd take it scam or not."

"That is something you would do. I know how that little mind of yours works."

"We do know each other very well."

"And that is why we're going to win."

Rich blinked at her in surprise. "You seem so sure about that."

"Rich, it's me. I excel at everything I do and some question and answer game show shouldn't be that difficult- I kick butt at trivia games."

"True; plus there's a good chance you'd get a chance to humiliate JT in front of a million people."

"Ooh, you do know me well," she blew on his ear, "you know me very well," a long, lingering kiss on his neck came next.

"Oh yeah," Rich let out another moan of pleasure. "Oh, I don't care if we win or not just so long as this is the consolation prize."

…

"So whaddya say?" JT asked the person at the other end of the telephone line. "Is that a yes?"

"_For the last time JT, no,"_ Sam answered back. _"There's no way I can call of work last minute. You should have planned this in advanced."_

"Sam, when have you known me to plan anything?"

"_Okay, that's a good point; but my answer is still no."_

"Wait, don't you have Sundays off?"

"_Yeah?" _that response came out like a question.

"Then book a flight for LA on Sunday."

"_JT-"_

"I had Karen read the thing over for me. They fly us in Thursday afternoon, ask us a couple of questions and film Friday, Saturday, and Sunday before we go home on Monday. I'll tell them our situation and ask them to film us on Sunday. If you need to, call of work for that Monday."

"_Why is it you only think things through when they're most convenient and beneficial to you?"_

"What can I say; it's a gift."

"_If I'm not flying with you and your family then how exactly am I supposed to pay for a flight to LA?"_

JT groaned. "I promise I'll pay you back."

"_Uh-huh, and who's gonna be the ninth person who flies with you?"_

JT pulled the phone away from his hear and counted aloud on his fingers. "Dad and Carol are bringing Lilly, Karen and Al have to come, there's Rich and Dana, and me." He double checked his counting. "Maybe I'll invite one of my sister's hot friends to go with us."

"_Ha, ha, very funny. What about inviting one of your brothers?"_

"Well Mark's in Princeton and Brendan's been living with Grandma; we'd have to fly them out to Port Washington just for them to fly out to LA. Be easier to just hock the extra seat for a hundred bucks."

"_Why JT, how considerate of you."_

"Yeah, I'm a generous guy."

"_Just try not to get your hopes up; there's a chance I might not be able to make it at all."_

"Then maybe I should bring one of my sister's hot friends," JT found that anecdote amusing. The dial tone on the other end of the line, however, pretty much confirmed that Sam did not find it amusing. "Hello? Hello Sam? Sam, I was kidding!"

* * *

**Endings, man, not always easy. I hope I compensated with some romantic interactions.**

**For the record, they never specify Rich's actual birthday. Rich, however, confirmed in the season 5 episode 'Forever Young' that he was a Virgo. So I did my research and picked a day between August 23 and September 22.**

**Other episodes referenced include 'Locket Man' and 'Chapel of Love' (though that reference might be harder to spot)**


	5. Well that was Uncomfortably Awkward

**Apologies for the delay; life and crap (by crap I mean other projects and writer's block).**

**Confession: I'm kinda winging this. Yes, I had an idea and I had things outlined and noted and somewhat structured and timed (i.e., having certain things coming before or after other things) but honestly, I don't know how long this story is going to be.**

**This chapter was kind of an example. I hadn't realized how much I had gotten out already and that it was essentially time to bring them to LA because I had nothing else for them to do in Port Washington. So I guess it was a good thing that I indicated the setting before starting the story because in this chapter, they're in California.**

**And yeah, it's kind of another filler chapter where we etch out some more exposition. I think the actual filming of the game might start in the next chapter or the chapter after that but again, I have no idea how long that would be.**

**Enough from me; let's just get set this sucker in motion.**

* * *

Los Angeles, California: March 4, 1999

"Okay," Carol (and Frank) stepped away from the front desk and over to their waiting group of six. "Everything is all set. Frank and I will share one room, Karen, Al, and Lilly you'll share another," she entrusted Al with their hotel room key, "and Dana you'll be with the boys."

"Really?" Dana was pleasantly surprised by that as she carefully took her room key.

"Yes, I trust you," Dana suspiciously raised an eyebrow to her mother, "and that room is adjoining to mine and Frank's."

"Oh come on, this again?"

"Well, on the bright side you'll have your own bed," Frank attempted to make things a little more positive. Dana rolled her eyes at that.

"Okay," Carol clapped her hands together, "why don't we get everything situated and then we'll get together for that meeting later tonight?"

"Hello!" Al gestured to Karen, Lilly, and herself. "What are we supposed to do this whole trip, rot in this hotel?"

"After we get everything organized, your father and I will be giving you spending money. We're not that cruel, you know."

Frank held up his index finger ready to make a point. "Although we could be that cruel and let you rot in this hotel." Lilly tugged on Frank's pant leg. "What is it sweetie?"

Lilly looked up at him with a pouted lip. "Why can't I sleep in your room with you and Mommy?"

"Oh Frank," Carol put her hand over her chest. "I knew it was a bad idea for Lilly not to share a room with us in a new place." Carol bent to her youngest daughter's level. "Of course you can sleep in the room with me and Daddy."

This cheered the little girl up. "Does that mean I get to sleep in a big bed by myself?"

"Yes it does."

"YAY!" Lilly bounced up and down in excitement while Karen and Al had their own quiet celebration to the side.

Frank, however, was less enthusiastic. "Aww geez Honey does she have to?"

"Frank!" Carol was appalled.

"I was kinda hopin' we'd get to have the nights to spend together without the kids."

"Well," Carol inched closer and seductively whispered, "I was kinda thinkin' we'd spend the days without the kids." Frank moaned in desire.

"We would tell you to get a room," JT spoke for the obviously disgusted younger crowd, "but you kinda already did. So why don't you use that room and quit traumatizing us."

"It's like they're trying to scar us for life," Karen felt the need to comment.

"Well pardon me for trying to be romantic with my husband," Carol spoke snidely. "Now why don't you all head on up to your rooms and we'll all meet again before we go to that meeting."

"Fine, but we're taking separate elevators so people think we're not together. Come on Al," Karen and Al took off in one direction while the rest headed for other elevators.

Al eyed the luggage Karen had on her person: a medium sized purse and a rolling suitcase to match. "You packed kinda light there Kare."

"I know," Karen pointed to a bellhop struggling to finish loading a luggage carrier, "usually it takes two of those to carry all my stuff."

"Right," Al led the way toward an elevator. "Hey, if Dana and the Dimwits get the adjoining room with Carol and Dad then what do we get?"

"I dunno. I mean, it can't be that far from their rooms." The elevator stopped on their floor. Stepping off, the girls looked for room locators. "Looks like our room is this way," Karen pointed to the left arrow on the wall. They followed the arrow that led toward what appeared to be their room. "I thought we didn't get the adjoining rooms."

Al pointed to another set of adjoining rooms across from their assigned room. "Actually, we didn't get _those_ adjoining rooms."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"I guess not being in an adjoining room with our family isn't such a bad thing; but I wonder who they're sticking in the room next to us."

As if on cue, Karen noticed a cute boy coming their way. "Hopefully him." She and Al watched as the attractive man searched for his room, and then made his way further down the hall. "Darn!"

"I had a feeling it wasn't him; chances are whoever's next to us is gonna be on the show. But dang he's hot!"

"I think it's one of the rooms over here," a nasally voice was heard coming down the hall. Said voice did belong to an average looking man traveling with a mousey looking woman with her long hair covering up her face. "Ah, here we are." He pointed to the adjoining room beside Al and Karen. "Oh, and here are our neighbors," laughed at his idea of a joke. "Hiya ladies; I'm Scott and this here is my wife Linda. Say hi, Honey," The mousey girl turned slightly, gave a nervous wave, and some sort of noise (possibly a "Hi') was barely heard. He gestured to his companion. "She's a little shy."

"Hello," Karen greeted. "I'm Karen, this is my stepsister Al."

"Hi," Al politely waved.

"And we're here as guests for that new couple's game show."

"Well ain't that somethin'?" Scott laughed. "Linda and I are contestants on the show."

"Did you guys bring a guest too?"

"Oh yeah, Linda's brother Lou. He was supposed to be in the room right next to us but I guess he's not anymore." Scott shrugged this off. "Anywho, hope to see you soon neighbors. Come on Linda."

As Linda followed her husband into the room, she "looked' at Karen and Al and appeared to say "It's nice to meet you"; only extremely quietly, very fast, and with her hair obscuring her face before practically vanishing into the room.

"Al," Karen was kind of freaked out, "did I lose my hearing for a second there?"

"Nope," Al was also creeped.

"I swear I saw her mouth move but I didn't hear anything."

"I don't even think she has a voice box. I guess Scott does the talking for both of them."

"Why do we always end up next door to weirdoes? Why couldn't the cute guy get our adjoining room?"

"Probably because you'd sneak into his room and try to hit on him constantly."

Karen playfully shrugged. "Yeah, you're right."

Al put in the key. "Come on; let's go put our stuff away."

"Dibs on the bed closest to the bathroom!"

…

The two sets of couples- and JT- entered the crowded hotel convention center shortly before their seminar began and managed to find available seats near the front. "Carol," Frank was looking around at all of the couples. "I think we're the oldest couple here."

Carol scoffed at him. "Don't be silly, Frank," she began surveying the crowd, "I'm sure we're not…" she paused. "…maybe one or two couples aren't here yet."

"I dunno, Honey, they've got enough seats for each couple and there are only two left."

"Why are you even making a big deal out of this?"

"I was thinking at least a few people competing would be born in my own decade. You can't tell me you're not the least bit upset about this."

Carol shifted in her seat. "I admit, it is a little peculiar."

"Aha, see!"

"But why should it matter? We're competing against Dana and JT and we have an edge because we've known each other longer."

"Still I think…" something caught Frank's eye.

Curious, Carol turned around to discover a set of male triplets sitting a row behind them with three identical women beside them. "Are those the triplets Karen went out with?"

"If not then their DNA must be scattered everywhere."

Carol waved to them. "Hi, boys."

"Hi," the first triplet greeted.

"Hi," the second one followed suit.

"Hi," the third concluded.

"Oh good, they still do that thing," Frank muttered.

Carol good-naturedly hit him. "I don't know if you boys remember me, but I was Karen Foster's mother. Your names are Ted, Tom, and Tim, right?"

"Ted," Ted acknowledged himself

"Tom," Tom did the same.

"Tim," and Tim finished it off.

Carol glanced at their respective female counterparts. "And these lovely ladies must be your significant others?"

"Tessa," the girl next to Ted identified herself.

"Tonya," Tom's female equivalent did as well.

"Tina," the final girl finished the pattern.

Unsure of how to respond, Frank just stared with his mouth slightly agape while Carol waved. "Hi," Carol kept waving until she realized how foolish she looked. "So, uh, are all you dating or…"

"Dating," Ted and Tessa answered in unison.

"Engaged," as they answered simultaneously, Tonya held up her left hand and Tom pointed to the engagement ring.

"Married," Tina and Tim chorused as they performed the same gesture as Tom and Tonya (only with the band of gold instead of the engagement ring).

"Well…" again, Carol was at a loss for words, "…congratulations."

"Thank you," all six of them answered together much to Carol and Frank's surprise.

Still uncertain of what to say, Frank and Carol just grinned idiotically as they turned around in their seats. "Well that was uncomfortably awkward," Frank commented.

A man entered from another side of the room and stepped onto the stage. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm Chris Byrne and I'm the show's developer. Now we've gathered you all here tonight to go over the basics, have all of our couples answer a questionnaire, and of course schedule your show date. First and foremost; our show will be airing on a family oriented network, so we have to keep it PG rated. We will be filming five couples Friday, five couples Saturday, and five couples Sunday before you return home on Monday. When you go to fill out your questionnaire, you'll be given your standard contract to sign and what not. While you do that, me and my producers over there," he pointed to the three people from the audition at a separate table to the side, "will be deciding who competes against which couples and when. If there are any questions or conflicts, come up and talk to us and we'll see what we can do." He clapped his hands together. "Okay, now if we could ask the men and women to sit at opposite sides of the room at any of those tables," he pointed to the tables, "we will pass out our forms." And with that, he stepped down and headed for a table on the side.

After Dana gave Rich a quick goodbye peck and headed to one side, Rich pulled JT aside. "JT, I'm gonna need that money back."

JT let out a small laugh. "What?"

"I need that seventy-five dollars back."

"I don't have it. I told you when me and Sam win I'll get you your money back."

"Yeah, but Sam can't get here until Sunday."

"So?"

"So because of you I couldn't get the ring on time."

"What ring?"

"Dana's engagement ring."

"Oh."

"I found the perfect ring for her in my budget but someone bought it."

JT pretended to care. "Bummer." A quick second later, he was back to normal. "Well good luck with that."

"Dude!"

"If we do Sunday's show we'll have Friday and Saturday to do whatever. I'm sure you can find Dana a ring by then. This is LA Bro, I'm pretty sure they have like a thousand jewelry stores."

"Yeah, but do you know how expensive jewelry is? And this is LA where the rich, famous, and fashionable live. The cheapest ring here probably costs a thousand dollars. And I was planning on proposing to Dana on Sunday!"

JT blew out a breath. "Tell you what: I'll take care of this." Rich skeptically raised an eyebrow. "You and Dana are supposed to be engaged on Sunday, and I'll make sure you are." Rich's eyebrow went up a little bit higher. "Trust me; I'll _legally_ get you an engagement ring by then."

"I don't trust you."

"Good man. Now I'm gonna go make sure we get a Sunday spot. Go get us the form things and I'll meet you at our table." JT practically shoved Rich aside and went over to the producer's table. "Hi, I'm JT Lambert."

"We remember," Julia bitingly replied back.

"Listen, you remember my girlfriend Sam, right?"

"No," Julia and the other auditioning producers chorused.

"Okay, well you remember me mentioning my girlfriend Sam, right?" the three nodded. "Well, Sam can't fly in til Sunday so we need to do this thing on Sunday- possibly at the latest time. That cool?"

"We'll see what we can do," Bob answered back. "You might not be the only one with schedule conflicts."

"Hold on," Julia began, "what if this '_Sam_'," she air quoted Sam's name, "doesn't show up. Does that mean we can kick him off the show?"

"Are you kidding?" the final producer (also named Tom) questioned back. "We need to have this guy on the show."

"But-"

"Look, if Sam doesn't show up then we'll find you a replacement girlfriend."

"Replacement girlfriend?"

"Yeah we'll find another girl and tell her what we know about JT based on his audition form and questionnaire. That alright with you JT?"

JT shrugged. "I guess; but Sam will totally be here by then."

Julia sighed. "Let's hope so or I'd feel sorry for the poor girl who'd have to be your replacement."

…

"Ninety-nine," a cream-faced Karen sat upright on her bed brushing her hair as it got later in the evening, "one hundred." With a content sigh, she gently placed her hairbrush on the nightstand and reached for a rubber band.

"What's the point of brushing your hair before bed?" Al inquired as she got under the covers. "You just put it up in a bun anyway."

"I have a strict nightly beauty regiment before bed that one must adhere to."

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that." Karen sneered at her stepsister before resuming putting her hair up in silence.

The brief quiet was soon interrupted by moaning sounds. "Al, do you hear that?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe it's a ghost."

What followed next pretty much disputed Karen's ghost theory. "I don't think ghosts shout 'Oh Scott' like that if they're trying to haunt somebody."

Karen and Al screamed in disgust. "This is just wrong on so many levels!" Karen made another noise of disgust. "What are we supposed to do?"

"I dunno," Al admitted. "We should probably just ignore it."

"How are we supposed to ignore _that_?"

Al looked at the clock on the nightstand. It read 11:37 pm. "Maybe they'll stop soon."

Two hours later, the still awake girls were more than relieved to hear the sound of silence. "I know that was disgusting, but I'm actually kinda impressed." Al gave Karen an 'are you serious' type look. "From what we heard it didn't sound that bad."

"Well thank God what we heard is over and done with. Now we can get some sleep." The quiet was then quickly replaced by the sound of loud, nasally snoring from the other room. "Oh great!"

"Now those other sounds don't seem so bad, huh?"

"Shut up Karen."

* * *

**I don't know why, but it's always funny to me when someone really quiet and shy is secretly loud and is like an entirely different person. I can relate to that in reality, but on TV it's always funny for some reason. I also like that next door people being loud at inopportune/inappropriate times cliché and I just had to include it.**

**REFERENCES: Scott and Linda are named after the actors who play Aladdin and Jasmine- my favorite Disney couple. Kinda keepin' it romantic there because it's a "couple's" game show. Chris Byrne is named after Christopher Castile and Josh Byrne who's characters will not be appearing in here. Ted, Tom, and Tim are the triplets who appeared in the episode 'Macho Man'. If you think I missed anything feel free to let me know.**


End file.
